“Feedback is a free education to excellence. Seek it with sincerity and receive it with grace.” – Ann Marie Houghtalling
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An important leadership skill is the ability to assess if
your intention matches your impact. Us showgirls have a very special name for
this...
It is called the "pussy check." This is where you bend over and ask your showgirl sister to tell you what she sees. The intention of a pussy check is to make sure that you aren’t showing anything you don't want to, and that you are showing everything you do want to. |
We’re looking for untucked labia, unruly tampon strings (which you should always cut), misguided rhinestones, stray hair, skin blemishes and bruises, a surprise menstrual cycle, and uneven carpet tape. We want to know if our garters are even, if our merkins are attached, and if our g-strings are crusty. (Yes, I said it. G-strings are an entirely different topic related to costuming which can be addressed at a later time).
The pussy check is really about asking for immediate and direct
feedback. The essence of the pussy check is not as much about making a good
impression as it is about finding out how authentically you are showing up.
This can be a scary question. Not “is my tampon string showing,” but, “how am I coming across?” It’s a really, really scary question. It touches on one of my biggest limiting beliefs…that if I show up as my full self I might scare people away, or that I might hurt people I care about. In short, you might not love me if I show you who I really am.
This can be a scary question. Not “is my tampon string showing,” but, “how am I coming across?” It’s a really, really scary question. It touches on one of my biggest limiting beliefs…that if I show up as my full self I might scare people away, or that I might hurt people I care about. In short, you might not love me if I show you who I really am.
Sinner Saint Beatitudes - photo by Jordan Haas
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However, what’s even scarier is the prospect of living, loving, and working at 50% of my capacity. I need feedback to know how I am doing, and if my intentions match my impact. I need to take the risk, confront my limiting beliefs, and find out if they are true. I need my sisters to hold me accountable to being my greatest self. And, in doing so, I help them become their greatest selves.
Start making direct and immediate feedback a regular part of your conversations. Did someone’s personal presence have a positive impact on you? Tell them. Ask for feedback about how you are showing up. Pussy check your life! |
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anais Nin
Reflections
How do you think your perception of yourself matches up to your friends’ perspective of you?
If there is a difference, why do you think that is so?
How do you like to receive feedback? Face-to-face? In the moment? In a letter?
What is the best piece of feedback you’ve ever received? Why?
Is there feedback you want from someone else that you can offer yourself?
If there is a difference, why do you think that is so?
How do you like to receive feedback? Face-to-face? In the moment? In a letter?
What is the best piece of feedback you’ve ever received? Why?
Is there feedback you want from someone else that you can offer yourself?
Practice
Did you know that studies have been done to estimate the ideal ratio of positive to negative feedback? Here is an example from Harvard Business Review on the ideal praise to criticism ratio.
Today, ask for feedback 3 times. Be specific about what kind of feedback you are looking for, and ask for feedback that is meaningful to you. Challenge yourself to stretch beyond your comfort zone.
Practice giving feedback 3 times. This could be as simple as telling your barista that you appreciate how friendly she is in the morning, or telling her that she made your latte just right. Start with positive feedback, and let people know how their behavior has impacted you. Remember to tell the other person what they did that you liked, and why it was meaningful to you.
Practice giving feedback to a character you watch on tv. Put on your favorite show or movie and pause it every few minutes to give one of the characters both critical and appreciative feedback. Remember to be specific.
The next time you plan to give feedback to someone, lead with your intention. Let them know why you are taking the time to give them feedback and how it will help improve your relationship with them.
“Whenever you have truth it must be given with love, or the message and the messenger will be rejected.” – Gandhi
Today, ask for feedback 3 times. Be specific about what kind of feedback you are looking for, and ask for feedback that is meaningful to you. Challenge yourself to stretch beyond your comfort zone.
Practice giving feedback 3 times. This could be as simple as telling your barista that you appreciate how friendly she is in the morning, or telling her that she made your latte just right. Start with positive feedback, and let people know how their behavior has impacted you. Remember to tell the other person what they did that you liked, and why it was meaningful to you.
Practice giving feedback to a character you watch on tv. Put on your favorite show or movie and pause it every few minutes to give one of the characters both critical and appreciative feedback. Remember to be specific.
The next time you plan to give feedback to someone, lead with your intention. Let them know why you are taking the time to give them feedback and how it will help improve your relationship with them.
“Whenever you have truth it must be given with love, or the message and the messenger will be rejected.” – Gandhi
Tweet it/Share It
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What
is the best feedback you’ve ever received? What made it so meaningful? Post your thoughts in the Burlesque for the Boardroom Facebook community.
Tell your friends: CLICK TO TWEET |
Bonus resource - Coaching
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Ready to level up? Helping women rediscover their personal presence and live more authentically is part of my joyful work. I have a number of additional resources available to you. Coaching is one of them.
Individual coaching has helped me make quantum leaps in my own personal/professional development, success, and joy. It can do the same for you. I invite you to take a look, and if coaching feels right to you, give me a call. I've had 20+ coaches over the course of my life, so know a few things about how to select one you resonate with, and how to know if the timing is right. |
Everything I've ever been good at, I've been coached at. If you are ready to take a deeper, more focused dive into your leadership transformation, set up a free 30 minute conversation with me. Tell me how I can help you:
- live, love and work more fully;
- give/receive more meaningful feedback;
- become the leader you know you are inside.
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