photo by Rick Priest
“Let excellence be your brand.” – Oprah Winfrey
|
|
I once learned an important lesson about feminine leadership while attempting to glue gargantuan fake eyelashes onto my eyelids. I was being schooled by experienced performer Lady Tatas, and I asked if my eyelashes were too big.
Aghast, with a face only a horrified showgirl could make, she sternly replied, “No, no, no. You must never say such a thing. There is no such thing as too big.” |
Burlesque uses exaggeration, absurdity and humor to convey messages. Performers often use outrageous costumes and larger-than-life personas to caricature their subjects. We use grandiose gestures to inspire loud outbursts of emotion from audiences.
In burlesque, bigger is usually better. Big dresses, big hair, big eyelashes, and bigger personalities. And that drive to be larger-than-life has gradually seeped into the rest of my life. Burlesque teaches me to reach for the highest and fullest expression of myself, which has been critical to my leadership development. My stage persona, Dona, has taught real-life Cat how to be bigger.
In burlesque, bigger is usually better. Big dresses, big hair, big eyelashes, and bigger personalities. And that drive to be larger-than-life has gradually seeped into the rest of my life. Burlesque teaches me to reach for the highest and fullest expression of myself, which has been critical to my leadership development. My stage persona, Dona, has taught real-life Cat how to be bigger.
|
We can’t help the world if we minimize ourselves: our worth, our greatness, or our power. Truthfully, I don’t fully know how to restoring this type of spiritual self-worth in others, or how to stop centuries of patterns of minimization. However, I know I can start the journey with simple acts of self-love, self-care, and huge eyelashes. Every time I refuse to minimize myself, I create a new legacy.
One of the greatest limiting core beliefs women have is a fear of being too big. And it’s not just a fear of being fat—we are afraid of becoming too powerful and hurting others. We worry we'll be labeled greedy and self-centered. We are afraid of making ourselves a target to be attacked, or inspiring more jealousy than we think we can manage. We worry that other people can’t handle our full selves. The result is that we minimize our ideas, emotions, body, desires, and intuitions. We reinforce smallness, a smallness that doesn't serve us. It takes daring courage to change the pattern of playing small. When we make a shift to embrace our power we are disrupting relationships, and the psychic substructure of our culture and our mythology. The thing is though, that we deserve to be the greatest version of ourselves. We deserve to live our lives to the fullest extent possible: to learn, to live, to love, and to be filled with unapologetic joy. |
Lady Tatas - POC Photo
|
Reflections
Today, reflect on how fully you are showing up in your life by taking this survey.
Identify five people you admire who show up ‘big.’ What about them do you find admirable?
Identify five people you think show up ‘too big.’ What are the judgements and stories you have about them?
What area of your life do you want to make bigger?
What distractions prevent you from being fully expressed?
For the part of you that likes quiet time and is more introverted, how can that aspect of yourself also be fully expressed?
Identify five people you admire who show up ‘big.’ What about them do you find admirable?
Identify five people you think show up ‘too big.’ What are the judgements and stories you have about them?
What area of your life do you want to make bigger?
What distractions prevent you from being fully expressed?
For the part of you that likes quiet time and is more introverted, how can that aspect of yourself also be fully expressed?
Practice
Today, reflect on how fully are you showing up in your life. Take the 'how big are you showing up' survey. Then, practice these 5 tips to be big right now:
1. Call people by name. Calling people by name will help them pay attention and hear what you have to say. Whether you are in a restaurant or a boardroom, address people by their names before sharing an idea, making a request or giving a direction. Your thoughts, opinions, and questions will be more likely to be heard.
1. Call people by name. Calling people by name will help them pay attention and hear what you have to say. Whether you are in a restaurant or a boardroom, address people by their names before sharing an idea, making a request or giving a direction. Your thoughts, opinions, and questions will be more likely to be heard.
2. Match your face to your emotional state. Remember the importance of good eyebrows? This is called congruency: when your facial expression matches your authentic feelings. Often, women try to stay humble when they are receiving a compliment, or they smile when they are really angry in order to soften the blow. We may not want to offend someone, so we mask what we are feeling. This creates confusion for the person you are talking to, and sends mixed messages. Be clearer in your communication by making sure your nonverbal body language accurately portrays your experience.
3. Say “want.” Instead of saying, “I would like,” or phrasing what you want in a question, simply say “I want…” Try it out the next time you are at the coffee shop. Being clear about what you want will help you more fully express your wants/needs (and get them met!)
4. Give your wardrobe an annual review. When you get dressed, pause and ask yourself, ‘do these clothes feel good?’ If they don’t, get rid of them. Itchy sweater? Shoes that give you blisters? Dress that is a little too tight around the arms? Bye bye! Give your body permission to feel great by dressing it in clothes that feel good. It’s hard to be big when you are constantly adjusting uncomfortable clothes.
5. Help someone else get bigger. Helping a friend, coworker, or stranger feel big helps me grow. Elevating one another into our own unique greatness is a sure-fire way to increase the full expression of ourselves and others.
“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand
3. Say “want.” Instead of saying, “I would like,” or phrasing what you want in a question, simply say “I want…” Try it out the next time you are at the coffee shop. Being clear about what you want will help you more fully express your wants/needs (and get them met!)
4. Give your wardrobe an annual review. When you get dressed, pause and ask yourself, ‘do these clothes feel good?’ If they don’t, get rid of them. Itchy sweater? Shoes that give you blisters? Dress that is a little too tight around the arms? Bye bye! Give your body permission to feel great by dressing it in clothes that feel good. It’s hard to be big when you are constantly adjusting uncomfortable clothes.
5. Help someone else get bigger. Helping a friend, coworker, or stranger feel big helps me grow. Elevating one another into our own unique greatness is a sure-fire way to increase the full expression of ourselves and others.
“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand
tweet it/share it
want more?
|
|
The full Burlesque for the Boardroom e-workbook is available at my online store. It includes 200+ reflections, activities and stories to help you practice and celebrate your feminine leadership.
Here is a sample of the bonus resources I provide: |
|
Be the first to receive free resources, special offers, tips and intimate reflections. Together, let's show the world what leadership looks like on women's terms.
|
