You’ll never guess the question I get asked the most after my performances:
“What lipstick are you using?!”
Everyone wants to know where I bought it, what brand it is, and why it looks so magical. The answer? NO. Sorry friends, I gal's got to have some secrets. This brings up today's lesson: the practice of saying NO.
Confession time: I’m a first-born, alpha female, raised in a military family. I was an honor roll student, captain of my volleyball team, and high achiever. I do things on time, under budget, and could organize the world with sticky notes. If there is a need for organization or leadership, you’ll find me nearby. Hi, I’m Cat, and I’m addicted to being responsible. It is hard for me to say, “No.”
A friend once told me, “Everything you put on your plate, you put there.” Every meeting, every party, every event, and every volunteering opportunity. I like helping and I like serving others, sometimes to the detriment of my own well-being. One of the leadership skills I'm personally working on is discernment, when to say yes and when to say no.
I often hear women talk about how it is hard for them to say no. We struggle to differentiate ourselves from the wants and feelings of others. We find it hard not to get sucked into other people’s issues. We take on too much, stop meeting our own needs, and then suffer from burnout. Sound familiar?
“What lipstick are you using?!”
Everyone wants to know where I bought it, what brand it is, and why it looks so magical. The answer? NO. Sorry friends, I gal's got to have some secrets. This brings up today's lesson: the practice of saying NO.
Confession time: I’m a first-born, alpha female, raised in a military family. I was an honor roll student, captain of my volleyball team, and high achiever. I do things on time, under budget, and could organize the world with sticky notes. If there is a need for organization or leadership, you’ll find me nearby. Hi, I’m Cat, and I’m addicted to being responsible. It is hard for me to say, “No.”
A friend once told me, “Everything you put on your plate, you put there.” Every meeting, every party, every event, and every volunteering opportunity. I like helping and I like serving others, sometimes to the detriment of my own well-being. One of the leadership skills I'm personally working on is discernment, when to say yes and when to say no.
I often hear women talk about how it is hard for them to say no. We struggle to differentiate ourselves from the wants and feelings of others. We find it hard not to get sucked into other people’s issues. We take on too much, stop meeting our own needs, and then suffer from burnout. Sound familiar?
We don’t want to disappoint people we care about, and we feel more obligated to them than we do to ourselves. Self-sacrifice has become ingrained in our value systems. I call these values limiting beliefs, hidden loyalties, or implicit narratives. They’re part of the stories we’ve inherited about who and how we should be in the world in order to be valued and loved.
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Women are taught to be polite, kind, agreeable, and to be of service. Being of service to others is one of the highest forms of leadership and grace. However, you won’t be able to fully serve others unless you fully serve yourself. A dangerous outcome of this type of thinking is that women then find it easier to love someone else than rather than love themselves.
Here are five questions to reflect on next time you are asked for help or want to evaluate how you are engaging in a relationship :
Here are five questions to reflect on next time you are asked for help or want to evaluate how you are engaging in a relationship :
- Does it promote your mission, vision, purpose and life?
- Does it diminish you or make you smaller in any way?
- Does it impede on self-care or self-love?
- Is it your problem? No, really, is it?
- Do you want to?
"'No' is a complete sentence. It does not require explanation or justification."
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Today we are going to practice saying ‘no’ with the
help of sassy red lipstick and this little ditty.
Make a list of all the activities, events, projects, jobs, pets, and relationships you are participating in over the next week. Use the five questions above to rank them in order of importance. Then, say 'no' to at least three of them. Select one you can say 'no' to right now. Put on your favorite red lipstick and say 'no!' |
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Know a friend who needs help saying no in order to say yes? Invite them to sign up using this link.
SAVE THE DATES!
Sacred and Profane - Speaking of pleasure...We're teaming up with Seattle Immersive Theater's gorgeous, sumptuous Victorian-style parlor space to arouse your senses and explore the blurry lines between what is sacred and what is profane. Save the dates - September 22nd-25th.
Revolution - We're co-producing the revival of Sexual Revolution with Theatre Off Jackson December 1-4th. Come join the movement and see our most political and impactful original production.
Revolution - We're co-producing the revival of Sexual Revolution with Theatre Off Jackson December 1-4th. Come join the movement and see our most political and impactful original production.
