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What makes a burlesque performer so sexy? The answer might surprise you. It’s not her body, or her dancing ability. It’s her self-awareness.
An incredible singer, Caela Bailey, once gave Sinner Saint Burlesque some wise advice while we were preparing backstage, and we’ve been using the mantra ever since. When anyone gets stuck, is feeling disconnected from their source of power, or when they’re just over-thinking something, we say, “Get out of your head and into your vagina.” |
“Get out of your head and into your vagina” is an invitation to listen deeply to yourself, and to call on all your senses for information, strength, confidence, and wisdom. “Getting out of your head and into your vagina” is about bringing your whole self to what you do. When you are tapped into all your senses and fully self-aware, you are irresistible.
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Self-awareness is key to giving an engaging performance, and to effective leadership. By self-awareness, I mean your capacity for reflection and ability to turn your attention/focus on yourself to make meaning of your experiences. Being able to clearly identify and articulate your experience helps you influence others. The best performers and the greatest leaders I know leverage their intentions, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, intuition and desires to inform their actions.
If you are not drawing on your self-awareness, then you are not bringing your whole, authentic self to what you do. Your authentic self is who you were created to be - the you before you were told who you should be. If you’re not bringing your authentic self to what you do, you are diluting your passion, your purpose, and the unique grace you can bring to this world. The world needs the full, fierce, unadulterated you in its greatest glory.
Remember: Get out of your head, and get into your vagina. |
photo by Deirdre Timmons
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“Leaders who inspire can articulate shared values that resonate with and motivate the group. These are the leaders people love to work with, who surface the vision that moves everyone. But to speak from the heart, to the heart, a leader must first know her values. That takes self-awareness.” - Daniel Goleman, Focus
Reflections
What aspect of self-awareness do you value the most?
What aspect of self-awareness does your family value the most?
What aspect of self-awareness does your place of work value the most?
What aspect of self-awareness does your partner value the most?
What aspect of self-awareness does your culture of origin value the most?
What aspect of self-awareness does your family value the most?
What aspect of self-awareness does your place of work value the most?
What aspect of self-awareness does your partner value the most?
What aspect of self-awareness does your culture of origin value the most?
Practice
November 2013, contributor Victor Lipman wrote the Forbes article Successful Leaders Need This Quality: Self-awareness. The article cited a case study of 72 executives at public and private companies with revenues ranging from $50 million to $5 billion. This study emphasized the importance of self-awareness as a critical trait for successful leaders. Over the course of this workbook, you’ll practice enhancing your self-awareness so that you can be influential, confident, and make a difference in the world. Today, start by noticing which aspects of self-awareness you
are strongest in, and which areas you may want to expand. Below are suggestions
to help you explore each unique area of self-awareness.
Intentions: Your intention is your reason or motivation for thinking, speaking, or taking action. What point are you trying to make? What outcome are you attempting to influence? Complete this sentence out loud at least once today: My intention in ________ is to _______. For example: My intention in going to the gym is to lose 5lbs. My intention in calling you is to let you know I love you. My intention in asking this question is to better understand your perspective. To help you get even more clear on your intention, ask yourself, “What’s in it for me?”
Thoughts: Are you able to discern behavioral observations from judgments/interpretations? In your next conversation, see if you can differentiate between observations and judgments. An observation is behaviorally specific. Here are some examples:
Behavioral observation:
Judgement/interpretation:
Thoughts: Can you distinguish your thoughts from your feelings? Count how many times a day you use the phrase “feel like” instead of “I feel.” Using “feel like” means you are actually expressing a thought, not a feeling. Replace “feel like” with “I think.” For example: “I feel like I should get going.” A clearer way of expressing yourself would be: “I feel bored. I think I should get going.”
Feelings: How large is your emotional vocabulary? Are you able to correctly identify emotions you are feeling, even in times of high stress? Many researchers, including those from the University of Glasgow, suggest that there are between four and six basic human emotions. Can you guess what they are? Expand your vocabulary by checking out this list of feeling words.
Physical/somatic response: Do you readily take cues about your well-being from your body? Do you trust what your body is telling you? Take ten minutes to stretch. As you stretch, pay attention to how your body feels. Listen to your breath, your belly gurgle, and your bones creek. Notice any tension, ease, discomfort or pleasure. Remember your ears, the space between your toes, and your vagina.
Wants: Are you able to identify what you want, particularly in tense situations? Are you able to ask for what you want in a clear and direct way? Go on a 60 second want rampage. For one uninterrupted minute state all the things that you want.
Needs: Can you ask for help when you aren't able to fulfill a need? Which of your needs are easily met, and which are most neglected? Today, ask someone for something you need.
Intuition: When you have a hunch about something, do you listen to it? How effectively do you incorporate your intuition into your decision making processes? In your journal, describe a recent intuition you had that turned out to be right.
Intentions: Your intention is your reason or motivation for thinking, speaking, or taking action. What point are you trying to make? What outcome are you attempting to influence? Complete this sentence out loud at least once today: My intention in ________ is to _______. For example: My intention in going to the gym is to lose 5lbs. My intention in calling you is to let you know I love you. My intention in asking this question is to better understand your perspective. To help you get even more clear on your intention, ask yourself, “What’s in it for me?”
Thoughts: Are you able to discern behavioral observations from judgments/interpretations? In your next conversation, see if you can differentiate between observations and judgments. An observation is behaviorally specific. Here are some examples:
Behavioral observation:
- Her voice got louder when she started talking about street harassment.
- He responded to more questions than she did in the board meeting.
- That’s the third time you’ve started talking while I was talking.
Judgement/interpretation:
- Her outfit was not professional.
- She was not being sincere in her apology.
- He didn’t show respect to his boss.
Thoughts: Can you distinguish your thoughts from your feelings? Count how many times a day you use the phrase “feel like” instead of “I feel.” Using “feel like” means you are actually expressing a thought, not a feeling. Replace “feel like” with “I think.” For example: “I feel like I should get going.” A clearer way of expressing yourself would be: “I feel bored. I think I should get going.”
Feelings: How large is your emotional vocabulary? Are you able to correctly identify emotions you are feeling, even in times of high stress? Many researchers, including those from the University of Glasgow, suggest that there are between four and six basic human emotions. Can you guess what they are? Expand your vocabulary by checking out this list of feeling words.
Physical/somatic response: Do you readily take cues about your well-being from your body? Do you trust what your body is telling you? Take ten minutes to stretch. As you stretch, pay attention to how your body feels. Listen to your breath, your belly gurgle, and your bones creek. Notice any tension, ease, discomfort or pleasure. Remember your ears, the space between your toes, and your vagina.
Wants: Are you able to identify what you want, particularly in tense situations? Are you able to ask for what you want in a clear and direct way? Go on a 60 second want rampage. For one uninterrupted minute state all the things that you want.
Needs: Can you ask for help when you aren't able to fulfill a need? Which of your needs are easily met, and which are most neglected? Today, ask someone for something you need.
Intuition: When you have a hunch about something, do you listen to it? How effectively do you incorporate your intuition into your decision making processes? In your journal, describe a recent intuition you had that turned out to be right.
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Get out of your head and into your vagina. What aspect of self-awareness are you best at? Post your thoughts in the Burlesque for the Boardroom Facebook group.
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want more?The full Burlesque for the Boardroom e-workbook is available at my online store. It includes 200+ reflections, activities and stories to help you practice and celebrate your feminine leadership.
Here is a sample of the bonus resources I provide: |
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